you don't need more discipline, you need devotion.
how this mindset shift is helping me get out of a 2 year-long functional freeze.
winter arc. 75 soft. 75 hard. lock in. level up. glow up. rebranding your life.“that girl” routine.
what do these phrases and buzzwords all have in common? they share the common thread of a desire (or the pressure, rather) to practice dedication, focus and discipline in order to achieve a desired goal or outcome. we hear these words thrown around a lot, especially throughout a seasonal period of our lives such as winter or in preparation for a big milestone or event like our birthdays, weddings, or on the heels of a major life shift.
maybe you’ve heard the saying that discipline is the highest form of self-love. i agree, but i would take it a step further and say that devotion is the highest form of self-reverence. devotion is what transforms discipline from a rigid obligation into a deeply personal commitment—one rooted in care, intention, and an attentive understanding of your own needs. while self-love is the foundation, self-reverence is the elevation—the act of honoring yourself so fully that your choices become a reflection of your highest self.
i spent the last two years in a functional freeze. i’m good at hiding when i’m struggling, so i doubt anyone beyond my inner circle noticed, but i had all the signs and feelings of someone who was simply on autopilot. just doing enough everyday to check off a box from a neverending to-do list, but deep down feeling like i was sabotaging my own success by doing the bare minimum. making plans with friends took an enormous effort even though i wanted to see them, and i wasn’t indulging in any of my hobbies consistently. my sleep schedule was irregular, i felt constantly both under and overwhelmed by everything and everyone, and my diet consisted of lots of UberEats orders throughout the week because i could barely find the energy, time or motivation to cook anything nourishing most days. combined with a remote, sedentary day job, it was a recipe for losing my spark and mourning the version of myself who just couldn’t seem to get her shit together no matter how many times i tried to “reset” these bad habits.
around june last year, my fiancé and i signed up for a new gym membership. it was my first time joining a gym since Covid and i finally realized that my at-home workouts just weren’t cutting it anymore. as i continued showing up over time, i noticed just how much making movement and challenging myself physically as part of my daily routine has positively impacted my mental health in the last few months as years of talk therapy. it’s the part of my day that i look forward to the most, and it’s allowed me to hold myself accountable while making progress on my goal to be more active at the same time.
my new routine began slowly, with just using the treadmill or stairmaster and walking for half an hour, and then i built up the courage up to begin group fitness classes and strength training. that’s where i found my sweet spot- a mix of vinyasa hot yoga classes, pilates/barre sessions combined with weight training several times a week. it finally clicked for me—balance isn’t about choosing one over the other, but allowing and making space for coexistence: softness and strength, discipline and grace, effort and flow. practicing daily movement (especially yoga) allows me the opportunity to unite my mind, body and spirit and reconnect with my vessel.
at the end of the year, my gym sent out their version of “spotify wrapped”, a run down of how many classes and hours members have spent dedicated to fitness, wellness and movement. i learned that i had taken over 100 workout classes in less than 6 months, i slowly started dropping the excess pounds i’d gained during quarantine and my functional freeze, and i finally starting feeling that spark i had sworn i’d lost for the past two years.
and it wasn’t because i signed up for a crazy strict program, or restricted my favorite foods, or became obsessive about having a certain number on the scale. it was because i became devoted to honoring the promises i made to myself, and prioritized feeling good from the inside out. because at the end of the day, baddie- you cannot hate yourself into a version of you that you love. through embracing devotion for that version of myself who desperately wanted feel like herself again, i was able to recognize that i was in a functional freeze, and slowly began to give myself what i needed: i stopped chasing an aesthetic and started cultivating a lifestyle—one rooted in self-acceptance, adaptability, and sustainability.
what does it mean to have self-reverence? it’s the deep, unwavering respect you hold for yourself—not just in moments of success, but in the quiet, unglamorous choices you make every day. it’s a step beyond self-love because it’s not just about self-care; it’s about honoring yourself at the highest level. it means setting boundaries and keeping them, because you know you deserve to. it’s choosing rest without guilt, nourishment without punishment, and growth without self-criticism.
devotion feels like the divine feminine: flow, intuition, surrender, and deep trust in the process whereas discipline is characteristic of the divine masculine: structure, consistency, perseverance, and intentional action, and both are needed at different times depending on what our desired outcome is. here’s a few scenarios where you might need to practice devotion over discipline, discipline over devotion, or both: